How can a Republican vote Democrat this year? Republicans, go buy a bunch of guns before the end of the year–like all the ones that were outlawed in the Brady Bill. Then go conceive a child so you can get into a lower tax bracket… and wait for 8 years!

I am currently attending Indiana University, and for reasons of anonymity, I won’t disclose which campus… nevertheless, moving to a new city, making new sleeping and eating habits and introducing a large amount of stress into one’s life can be overwhelming. One of the side affects of such an endeavor is lots of internal gas.

This week has been extra bad in particular and I’ve been struggling with a way/method of freeing myself from the extra bowel pressure without decreasing the quality of air about me. That can be a challenge when you spend 10 hours a day on a university campus with hundreds of students about you at all times.

My solution? Use campus’s major coffee maker to my advantage. Coffee? What has coffee got to do with farting. Well my friends, coffee is an interesting thing. Drug dealers hide their illegal trade in coffee bean bags because coffee beans mask the scent of their drugs from sniffing dogs. Coffee beans are also used in fine department stores to clear the nasal passages of sprayed perfumes when one wants to sample one fragrance after another. So that’s why I sat in Starbucks today and let them rip for a good half hour. With the smell of coffee in the air nobody could smell’r the feller.

So I watched the Democratic convention last night along with Barack Obama’s acceptance speech, and with our presidential elections coming to a head soon, I just wanted to clear up one point concerning Obama’s decent. His mom was of caucasian (white) decent and is dad was of african (black) decent. That means that half of his genes came from his mom and half of his genes came from his dad. That’s 50/50 folks. The next time you hear someone say that he is the “first black (or African-American) nominee…” just remind them that he’s the first 1/2 African-American nominee AND the first 1/2 white nominee. African-Americans claiming him to be their own are obviously overlooking the female half that created him, and it would be just as absurd for white people to claim him as their own–saying Barack Obama is white.

What does all this mean? It shows me that as Americans, we still identify and categorize people by the skin color, and that no matter what politically correct terms we are “suppose” to use in society, those terms are just social synonyms for what we all see–color. On the outside, he definitely looks like other African-Americans. Maybe that’s why the black community seems to identify with him so well–because he looks like them; but on a solely genetic basis, white people have just as much claim to him as black people do. But you don’t hear white people saying that “he’s white” even though he’s just as much white as he is black.

So for anyone who wants to remove terms of color (black, white, brown, etc.) in favor of politically correct terms of decent as the major identifier of race/decent, while at the same time claiming a political candidate as one of their own seems to be having their cake and eating it too. That goes for white people as well as black people. And as a racially-confused citizen of America, I’m going to stick up for Barack Obama and for both of his parents–the white one and the black one. So it is pretty cool that Barack is the first 1/2 white presidential nominee! And it’s just as cool that he is the first 1/2 black presidential nominee!